Feel good you vs being good you
“Being good is hard”
Its a line from a recent conversation that got me thinking. Most people, it appears, are busy trying to be good. It made me think about what drives so much of the population around the lifestyle choices they make verses what drives me in terms of my lifestyle choices. It made me realise something. I’m driven to feel good, not to be good. Let me explain.
There are words which I continually hear from clients. Its amazing how many of my sessions start with ” Well I have tried to be good” and I haven’t even asked!!! It is like health, eating well, exercising, thinking straight and being kind to yourself are all branded by the same concept. The concept of being good. But doesn’t this miss the whole point? Could it be that our whole focus is wrong? Is the reason why so many people are attempting positive lifestyle changes yet are finding it so hard?
Because to me, ‘being good’ is laced with negative connotations. For years I was continually faced with what it was to be the ‘good girl’ and it still comes out in me in certain circumstances. As a child, we are taught to be good. And being good will result in rewards, love and affection. And guess what else, sweets! Bad behaviour will result in punishment and the removal of love and affection.
As I matured, I began to understand myself and my motivations better. I could see these habits. If I am only good, then I will be loved, cared for and shown affection. It played havoc in friendships and relationships. Being good meant that I lost my voice and I found it hard to say what I really felt and really wanted, as well as changing my behaviour to suit others.
And here we are, using the term ‘being good’ when people are trying to create change in their lives. It is no wonder the inner child in us retorts when we fall off the wagon or lose the momentum in yet another diet. “You’re hopeless” “What is the point” It states.
So I began to notice what did motivate me. I began to realise that there was one thing that drove me more than anything else. It was feeling good. Feeling good, feeling sharp and focused, feeling energised and on fire, feeling light and at ease… well, its intoxicating. Its impossible not to love that state.
So when I’m faced with choices, which is all day every day, I get to choose. Most of the time (and most of the time is just fine), I’ll choose an option that I know will help me feel better because that is the way I like to feel.
So when you next say to yourself or someone else “I’m trying to be good”. Stop, Pay attention. That one sentence is telling you so much.